\jeff{krimmel}

Three Bottles of Wine and a Pack of Condoms

I made a quick trip to the grocery store last night. Only two registers were open, and the lines were five or six people deep at each. I was in line at the express register, and I was standing behind a woman, about my age, who was buying three bottles of red wine and a 24-pack of Trojan condoms. Wow. It’s pretty clear where her evening was going. I mean, can you think of a grocery basket that would give you a better idea of what was in a person’s immediate future than that? Maybe a dude with a jar of vaseline and a gentleman’s magazine? Maybe.

So the woman gets to the front of the line, and the checker, also a grown woman, asks this lady if she’s planning on having any trick-or-treaters come by tonight. The lady in line said no, she lives in a condo, and they’ve never had kids stop by. A small conversation ensues, and this lady says actually she’s on her way to a Halloween party a bunch of her friends are throwing.

And I immediately think, “Holy sh*t, I’m in the middle of a porno shoot.” It felt like if I turned around and looked, I’d find a couple of sleazy looking dudes with handheld cameras circling around us. It actually felt like it was the opening scene of the porno, and after the lady in line mentions she’s going to the party, the scene white-washes away, and we transition to the part where the party is just getting interesting.

So, if you see me in the opening scene of a soon-to-be-released porno, that’s why. If you see me in the main scene of a soon-to-be-released porno…you’re welcome.