\jeff{krimmel}

One of the Better Spam Emails I’ve Received

I received a five word email today with a link pasted at the bottom. Here are the five words:

Hello krimmel
Enlarge Your Penis!

Isn’t that priceless? I read it more like, “Hey Krimmel, Clean Up Your Room!” Or maybe, “Hey Krimmel, Do Your Homework!” There’s no convincing here. This guy isn’t trying to make me feel insecure or tell me how much the ladies would enjoy it if I decided to take his pills. He’s cutting the bullshit, getting right to the point.

As far as spam emails go, I got a kick out of this one.

Posted in Musings | 2 Comments »

President Bush Hates Poor Children

The Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP), a tool designed to grant federal dollars to match a state’s funding of its own health insurance program for children, was established in 1997 and is set to expire this fall. Before its recess, Congress was in the process of crafting legislation to extend and expand CHIP. President Bush has threatened to veto this legislation, and on top of this threat, his administration set new rules this past Friday aimed at eliminating the plans of many states to expand their own such health insurance programs.

The idea behind all of this is that families living slightly above the poverty level, who don’t qualify for Medicaid or other federal help, yet cannot afford private insurance, need to have a way to provide health insurance for their children. Rather than receiving this help from their own states, President Bush would rather that they just try harder to afford the too expensive private insurance. Harold Meyerson has an op-ed in today’s Washington Post where he says the following:

Even as our president demands that the states monitor the health of insurance companies, the findings on the health of our children make for grim reading. Nearly 9 million American children lack health coverage, a number that rose by 360,000 last year. Deficiencies in childhood diet and medical care are among the leading reasons Americans are falling behind dozens of other nations on indexes of health and height. But we cannot allow our children to receive health coverage that might reduce the private insurers’ market share…

Mr. Meyerson is right. It’s pretty simple: President Bush cares more about the health of private insurance companies than he does about the health of this nation’s impoverished children. That’s compassion for you. We have plenty of federal funds to expand the size of the government in all sorts of other areas, including granting huge government payouts to health insurance companies for prescription drug purchases, but by no means do we have money to match states that want to provide health insurance to their own impoverished children.

What a pathetic, unfunny joke.

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Most Impressive Part of Tiger’s Win

Tiger Woods won the PGA Championship this weekend, giving him a total of 13 victories in major championships for his career. I was able to watch him play almost every one of his last 54 holes, and I think I know the most impressive part of his victory.

The cop-out answer is to say the round of 63 he shot on Friday, which tied the record for the lowest score ever in a single round of a major championship. Don’t get me wrong, that’s extremely impressive. But I think even more impressive than that is the fact that in the two rounds of golf following that monster, he didn’t give up a single stroke. He shot 69-69 coming in, going two more strokes below par.

Do you know how unbelievable that is? I’d love to see this data: take each of the other players who have shot 63 in a major championship, and tell me what they scored in their next round. It is so terribly common to follow up a great round with a below average one. It’s got to take so much energy and effort to go so low below par, and then add on the pressure of knowing you have to defend that lead over two more rounds, and you get what I think is the most impressive part of Tiger’s win.

And I keep hearing the conversation, which becomes increasingly common as time goes on, that some people are having reservations that Tiger has never won a major championship when he wasn’t leading going into the final round. The argument goes something like, “Sure, he can play with a lead, but what happens when he’s forced to catch up and overtake someone?”

First, the guy has won 13 major championships. No one has any room whatsoever for criticizing how Tiger wins or doesn’t win these things. He’s one of the ten greatest winners in the history of American sports, period. And his career isn’t half over.

Second, do you think the field just hands Tiger a lead over the first three rounds? Do they not play Thursday through Saturday? They just show up on Sunday, and like gentlemen agree Tiger should be spotted two or three strokes, and we’ll just play from there. Bullsh*t. Tiger smashes the field for three days, gets a lead, and then protects it. It sounds like a pretty good plan to me.

I also think people casually dismiss the last part of that equation: protecting the lead. Do you know how difficult that is? Do you know how difficult it is to play a whole round of golf, with that kind of pressure, and not give a single stroke back? It’s incredible. It’s almost like Tiger can say, “You know what, I’m not going to go for birdie on this hole. I’ll just settle for par.” And 90% of the time, he gets his par, or ends up birdy-ing the hole anyway. It’s just unbelievable.

So I guess the point to all this is just to say “shut up” if you have any criticism about the way Tiger is doing anything relative to the game of golf. He’s in the Jack Nicklaus/Michael Jordan/Joe Montana area where you recognize they simply win more than almost anyone else who has played their game, and you enjoy watching it while it lasts.

Posted in Golf | No Comments »

Will The Record Be Broken in Los Angeles?

I know several people out here who will be driving down to Dodgers Stadium at least one of Tuesday, Wednesday, and/or Thursday to see the Giants play the Dodgers. I had the opportunity to go myself on Wednesday night, but I have a softball game that night. And who am I to turn down a beer league softball game?

Almost everyone going to one of the Dodgers games this week is going for a chance to see Barry Bonds break the all-time home run record. And I keep wanting to ask, “Do you really think he’s going to break that record in LA?” I just don’t see it happening. He might tie it out here. Or in San Diego, where the Giants play this weekend. But I just don’t see Bonds wanting to break this record on the road. I could very easily see him hitting 755 and then sitting the rest of the time until they make it back to San Francisco.

It’s obvious that 756 will be a huge historic achievement. And the video clip of him hitting it, followed by him trotting around the bases, will be replayed a countless number of times over the next eight years or so until Alex Rodriguez breaks the record. Does Barry really want that clip to feature him rounding the bases to a chorus of boos with drinks and stuff being thrown on the field?

Maybe I’m sorely underestimating how Los Angelenos would respond to the breaking of this record, but Dodgers fans despise the Giants. And I mean despise. This wasn’t something I fully appreciated until I moved out here. I could very easily be wrong about all of this, but at the moment I’m confident Barry won’t be breaking this record in Los Angeles.

Posted in Pro Baseball | No Comments »

Golf, Happy Gilmore Style

I’m in the process of picking golf back up, as if I can really believe that I had picked it up at one point previously. Regardless, I’ve made a recent habit of going to YouTube to search for golf videos. The past couple of nights, I’ve just been searching for “golf”, and I then sort the results by the date on which they were added so I can view the most recent videos.

As of the time of my writing this post, the video below has been on YouTube for eight hours. It’s a montage of various golfers trying to hit the ball Happy Gilmore style. If you remember, Adam Sandler runs up the ball and hits it in one fluid motion in that movie. The video below is priceless, literally laugh out loud funny. At least it was for me.

Posted in Golf | 2 Comments »

Senator Vitter Was Too Vulnerable

You have probably already heard the news about Senator David Vitter, the Republican from Louisiana, being involved with the “D.C. Madam”, the woman charged with running a prostitution ring in the D.C. area. Yes, this is the same Senator Vitter who is vehemently against the idea of same sex marriage because of the harm it could wreak on “traditional” marriage. I figure a married man visiting a prostitute might also wreak harm on a “traditional” marriage, but that’s another issue.

Dana Milbank at washingpost.com wrote an article about the issue, and in it he reproduces an interesting quote:

Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), approached by a group of reporters outside the lunch, offered an unexpected defense. “All of us have to look at it and say that we could be next,” he said in answer to a Vitter question. “We all think that we’re not vulnerable to something like that happening, but the fact is this can be a very lonely and isolating place.”

Washington D.C. can be a very lonely and isolating place, and no Congressman can possibly know if something like this is going to happen or not. They’re vulnerable, you see, and the prostitutes in that town are just too devious, such that any Congressman may unwittingly wind up in bed with such a prostitute and barely even know what’s happening.

How f***ing absurd is that. I don’t really care if these men are visiting prostitutes. If everything is consensual, and no one’s health or safety is in jeopardy, they can do whatever they want on their own time. But I do care about two things: (1) not being a hypocrite about it, and (2) taking responsibility for it when it becomes known.

Don’t waste your time talking about how defending “traditional” marriage is the single most important issue in our country today (yes, Senator Vitter said that), if you’re going to traipse around town sleeping with prostitutes. And don’t blame your visit with prostitutes on the fact that Washington D.C. is a “lonely and isolating place”. That’s bulls***. You slept with a prostitute because that’s what you chose to do.

Between Tony Snow whining like a little girl about Congress exercising it’s oversight authority and now Senator DeMint saying the prostitutes and the city, not the Congressmen, are to blame, I’m wondering when we’re actually going to actually have some adults running our damned government.

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